If i come over, it means nothing
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
