You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
