you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
