Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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