Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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