I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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