we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do vagina's smell?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
