Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
