Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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