my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize