doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
