If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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