I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
