Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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