There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
