Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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