dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
