I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
