you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
