I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
