I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
