I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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