Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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