I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
