oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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