I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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