I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
