im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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