All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
