guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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