my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
