they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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