We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
