She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did i walk over a car last night?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
