maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
