last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize