I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
