A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
