our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
