I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
