I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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