just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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