last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
