we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
