Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
