Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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