i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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