Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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