I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
