just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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