we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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