Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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