I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
