When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
