I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
