So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this boner is exhausting
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
