I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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