ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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