i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
