You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
