Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
