; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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