and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
