my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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