Apparently you make a good broom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize