You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
