That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
