I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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