on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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