I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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