You just made me feel so damn special
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
