there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
