Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
