I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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