Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize