I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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