She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
