Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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