Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
