Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
