honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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