coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
