You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
