I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
