Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
