So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
