You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dicks are not precious.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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