In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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