my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
