I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
