If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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